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|Wednesday, January 6th, 2016|
|A man posts a new entry.
It often takes me some time to contemplate how I shall express some feelings in text.
This has been no exception and this has taken me more than ten years: It seems that despite me feeling that I was all grown up in my previous entries, I was not.
It's been 11 years since my last post and 15 since my last earnest one.
I've learnt a lot.
I've married "MB", the same one mentioned in previous posts. I've lost my mother to cancer and I've also learned to be more humble and loving, gravitating to personal possessions has no point if you cannot share it with another.
|Wednesday, November 17th, 2004|
maybe cos she is seriously fit man! kekekek. I like!
amazing, i saw zahnida today, disturbed me, i dont know why.
|Tuesday, November 16th, 2004|
Whoa! told trish my biggest secret today, feel so so so so so so much better, we talked for a long time, i really do think that my childhood secret has affected me subconciously. She is a real darling (trish) if i did pray i would pray that she is forever happy and makes lots of money and is always smiling! I think she will do really well at the circus. Hah, im actually quite protective of my dear trish now, if anybody hurt her, i would just have to hurt them.
|Sunday, November 14th, 2004|
At some point, the internet gets boring, tv gets blurry, your ear gets too hot on the phone, fingers sore from typing. At that point, you get bored, bored bored bored bored.
How to make a good cup of tea:
Decent tea, bags are ok. Just not the cheapest
milk, least how i like it.
Water in kettle, bag in cup.
AS SOON AS WATER BOILS, pour it into cup with tea bag.
Leave it to brew +-2mins
Add milk to taste
Now my mom likes putting the milk in first, i dont, it scalds it and makes the tea taste funny.
would anybody make me a cup?
Tomorrow i have a meeting with dad, need to sort out some new events. My prediction is that his computer will break and ill spend most of the time fixing it.
Last night went to the loft (section of zouk, a club in the city) met some old friends and they are going to take me paintballing sometime soon. im taking the cannon! Artillery never hurt anyone! Current Mood: need tea
im so so cold
everything is sorted, now i need cash!
|Friday, November 12th, 2004|
yay me! i have an invite to cyber, cyber jaya that is.. feeling so so much better today, things finally settling
|Thursday, November 11th, 2004|
|Im wayyy behind
the x prize has been won! we are years away from having holidays in space! Maybe in a capsule ala japan lol! Imagine the sex would be hard tho, watched a documentary abt 0g sex. where there's a will there's a way.
woke up, tv, really nice breakfast: modified baked beans, home made hash browns and broiled bacon. had a glass of wine, went back to sleep!
Lovely day muahahha, i have work to do tonight.
Went for dinner with trish last night, she has nice shoes, I like trish, she is nice to talk to. I think i should be much more sympathetic to her tho. She is very special to me, and i dont want her not thinking that:)
|Wednesday, November 10th, 2004|
Things are rather odd right now. I have a choice between aus and uk, the uncertainty being uk, the debt being oz.
im sending more uni apps today, have to be up early..
Its beginning to seem that being alone is not all its pegged up to be, i need some form of company, someone who would have helped me lick stamps while watching tv.
Its scary leaving home for a foreign country. its even scarier when you are poor.
Nadia still haunts my mind, giving me sad happy memories whenever i look at anything that reminds me of her. i have forgotten her, but not enough.
I would like one serve of someone to love with a cheeseburger and fries, and only beacause i am hungry.
So journal, i think it is time for you to live once again.
I am working, well, kind of.. Selling events, big events, taking a share in commision. I may be poor and not able to afford anything, let alone uni, but im getting the ibook first. All i need to do is sell the circus, and then thats uni and well, life sorted out. But why do i not want to try to hard?
Im beginning to find that i am more willing to do things for others, friends of mine, than for myself. Its not that i dont have the initiative, but, well, the plan will be there, everything ready, but it wont be done. This wont get me anywhere. Being at the beck and call of nadia has affected me worse than i could have ever thought.
|Monday, August 2nd, 2004|
Well, after umming and ahhing, i have decided to write something.
Have a lot of shit building up inside me, in the process of having my heart broken, as always, no good. I get promised the world and but a week later get told she needs some time, she lives 12000km away at the moment, is that not enough?
I have been working my ass off, to a point where i can choose what to do in the office, been working on wireless/mobile ticketing. Plus a few other things, plus side is that i can now work from home, but doubt i will get paid if i do!
So i will be going to uni in a month or so, its a scary experience, i mean, i need 550 pounds a month to live, thats a whole lot! I will have to work my way through uni. Am still waiting for a reply from them, but will go back to uk regardless. I need a change of scenery, especially to one of the home country i have only seen for a week in 9 years.
This week in work i have things like the hoobastank concert to sort out, we start selling alicia keys soon, so we need to get the bits and bobs sorted out there. One of our theatres printers is broken (i kicked it, several times;) so i have to go and fix it.
So, a boring day, cooked dinner, some polenta cakes with a lamb shoulder, it was alright. im not a big shoulder fan, i prefer legs, they tend to be less fatty.
Hmmo, i really should think about sleeping soon, but am awake since we couldnt talk tonight, i normally call her, in the uk, every day. but it isnt happening any more. *Sigh* Current Mood: blah
|Monday, July 7th, 2003|
I went to the opera tonight.. to see tosca. For my first opera it was crap.
The main problem atm is the fact that i am in love with my best friend. She loves me but has chosen her bf over me. Sad but, well... I am leaving my parents in 3 weeks. yay. I wont miss my dad, the cheating bitch. imagine living on a desert island for 6 months, that is duty free. I will die.
What is love without full reciprication? That love is all i want right now. You are in bed, sleeping off your dreams. I miss being with you now, even though its been 6 hours only. How will i live without you near? I love you, and thats something i have wanted to look at you and say for 4 days now.
I love you.
although u cant say u love me, i know u do, at least a little bit.. and well, i will always be there to catch u when u fall, even if i make you. I will always be there, even if in shadow, at your side.
|Saturday, July 5th, 2003|
Lol i was going to update but lost mood:(
Im lazy, sore and fat.
|Saturday, April 19th, 2003|
|My Perfect Evening
We would eat, laughing at each others idiosyncracies. Dancing to the random music.. feeling that in this crowded place there is only you.
We would go to a place to dance.. A place where I could look in your eyes and feel trapped in the moment, we would dance, hold each other.. Go to our favorite spot and feel together. Forever would that feeling work.
Home late with a smile on my face, feeling happy that i finally feel the same way...
What actually happened
Went out. You two ate dinner, cos u hadnt eaten, felt kinky cos of what u were wearing.
Went to club, felt down cos u couldnt dance with me
Felt bad cos of dodgy thoughts about you
Told you so and that i loved you
You questioned it... I said i never lie...
I was a bitch cos i felt jealous... that u were being ultra nice to him and just nice to me. I went quiet. I drank slowly, hoping he would go to the loo, so that we could at least talk. Got even more depressed, cos it seems that u dont want me anymore.
Went bak... Calling on radio, u kept looking at me.. I dont know what to think.. Sent u text msg: sayin that i was jealous..
get a msg saying sorry.. that it is breaking ure heart apart.. i dont want that.. i cry..
i am confused.. i love you.. but its more than that. i would give my right arm just to let my left arm hold you.
|Friday, April 4th, 2003|
A single ship sailing sea
Deck of a thousand tales
is but a man who longs to be
in his port,dock in his dock
Smooth arms of concrete holding the bow
dammit, getting emotional abt something else
|Sunday, March 2nd, 2003|
Ah, just had a great shower: i just love my burberry touch shower gel lol
My parents are having dinner with my housemaster tonight so i am making meself scarce and im off to dinner with kevin, should be fun, something always happens with him..
Sat up till dawn with pernette last night, have decided to send her those versace sunglasses i was given and she promised that i can fly over to france anytime i want too and she will put me up.. Pernettes family is convinced that there is mor ethan freindship going on.. Ever since i flew to singapore to meet her in transit for 3 hours. Anyways I have found it only costs 15 dollars to fly to nimes from london and back.. so it looks like i can do it every few weeks when i am in uni.
Can somebody help me out with where I can host pictures to put up here?
On the money side of things, the nicest burberry womens shirt didnt sell, its fucking sexy too.. Take a look, ill sell it for cheap to you:- LOOK!!
On other fronts, Nadia has found me a job as a talent for a cd cover, as well as posters and tv ads. So thats quite funky. Everything is sorted with Nadia now, she is getting her locks on her doors changed and is also buying a baseball bat.. I'm not sure I trust her with it.. I dont want her doing anything stupid. Im going to submit one of my poems to poetry.com, a few of my friends have won a lot of money, so maybe I have a chance.. Sure could do with it.
|Saturday, March 1st, 2003|
|Dont you just hate it when people cry.
Well, today has been good, my first day home for a lonnnnnnggg weekend till wednesday. I woke up and made myself a nice omelet read the paper, wrote a letter and generally pottered (i like that word) about. Until, Nadia, my best friend (title of big sister has been given) calls and says she is outside. Being in a non-decent state, i get dressed and meet an unhappy nadia in the car.. Turns out she cant stay where she is staying b'cos she is not islam enough for the sister in law and this aint the first incident.. She burst into tears, it is hard to know what to say when someone is quietly crying. So I tried to cheer her up while desperately wanting to get out of the car of depression.
I told her it was getting close to 3 and that her mom was calling from vancouver soon, so she better go.. I think she got the impression that i didnt want to hear.. I know its selfish but I didnt, I need a day to myself before entering social life and cheering everyone else up. So she left in an unhappy mood.. But I cant be so fabulous as to listen all the time, and episodes happen often.. I am only human and no matter how much i want to help all the time there has to be a limit.
So i come back in and talk to nisha.. She has helped me decide to apply to oxford to read law and scrap all the other unis. I do have a whole year off before I join so there is plenty of time to re-apply. So well, I just need to work my ass off now to get my predicted a-level grades. I am gonna go out tonight, kevin is going to pick me up and we are gonna have a final beer together: he is going to india to study medicine, poor bugger, he is about as suited to india as a cow is to a lake. Current Mood: indescribable
|Friday, February 28th, 2003|
Fact: Its 1:12am
Fact: I am sitting on my bed, in school, really bored and im not tired.
Fact: I am actually quite tired.
Fiction: Everything is wonderful.
Fact: My family has no money, not been paid this month.
Fact: I am in the most expensive school in the country
Fact: I have one term left, Will i make it?
Fiction: Its easy
Fact: I am not working hard enough, I need AAB and I am getting ABC
Fact: The reason I cant sleep is because I waste time by staying up far too late, 3 4 am.
Fact: The pressure is mounting, and I am so worried that I wont do as well as I can
Fiction: Im fine
Fact: I am fucking afraid of whats going to happen, parents are getting old, i am expensive for another 3 months and we lack dosh.
Fact: I am scared of going to university, I am english by right but malaysian by nature, which means i dont get the "assimilation" help when i go back to the uk since i only pay english fees.
Fact: The next 10 years make me or break me.
So here I am, the child labeled as hopeless by the family, teachers and friends, a child who is now in a very very real world, a child that is getting grades that could beat them all. The sceptics that never even made it past high school cant critisise me anymore for being stupid. This criticism has powered the past, but will it power the future? We all strive to be perfect, I for some reason strive to be perfect in the eyes of others.
Fact: I am going to try to sleep.
|Monday, February 3rd, 2003|
Your eyes more beautiful than any holy cut gem
and your nose made to lock in intimacy with mine
your laughter be the goal of my subtle spoken line.
the times i see you grimice only gives me pain,
since you and me, deep down, are basically one, the same.
|Friday, December 13th, 2002|
bleh im tired
we decided that im frustrated with all the shit people give me. walk right over me etc. so we have decided to left friends come to me.. nto me to them.. thmm
|Thursday, December 12th, 2002|
Bloody hell! i havent updated since october: so much has happened.. namely the internet died at school- serves me right for going to a boarding school in the middle of a palm plantation.
Well, selina got pregnant and bragged about it (it wasnt me, i decided to steer clear once i heard her stories.. about her guys. hmm) so i told her i didnt want to talk to her.. that she was a slut- "oh" she says "but it was a different guy i got pregnant with, not the one i originally thought", "well that makes it better then," i said.
Everyone is being nice to me for a change- which is really good.. School has been better this term: Got used to it i think and close to phillip and appi- we are mad lol. decided to see how much milk we could drink... rolled down the hillls, turned a gas roller into a scate board.. and generally tried our best not to work.
adrian came down.. will be down again on friday- he is good fun..
i just has an arguement with my friend look-
(@) Miss Kitty: v good
(@) Miss Kitty: i will have some other drinks on the 21st
Wobb's: ahh. well im sure ull have an unlimited and free supply
(@) Miss Kitty: LOL
(@) Miss Kitty: full tank
(@) Miss Kitty: thats the only drink i love
(@) Miss Kitty: its free, non fattening and good 4 skin LOL LOL LOL
(@) Miss Kitty: ok ok i stop
Wobb's: it is actually fattening
(@) Miss Kitty: nope
Wobb's: it is:) all organic substances are converted into fat, if not used in the liver:P
(@) Miss Kitty: nope,,read abt it
(@) Miss Kitty: it is VERY good 4 women
(@) Miss Kitty: thanks for being so kind to me
(@) Miss Kitty: would think with your alcohol, you'd be in better humour
(@) Miss Kitty: u killed my happiness
(@) Miss Kitty: thank u
(@) Miss Kitty: atleast it made u laugh
Wobb's: im just confused as to how it cannot be fattening and i figured that ure imagination would be running wild?
(@) Miss Kitty: its not
(@) Miss Kitty: besides u dun drink semen every fucking day
(@) Miss Kitty: what did u think i was on about?
Wobb's: eh? wat? i knew what u were on about
(@) Miss Kitty: good
please clarify for me? help